so let's talk penis.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
