I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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