the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
