Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
