I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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