Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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