I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
