I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
