I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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