walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
