And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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