So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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