apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
and eventually we just all took our pants off
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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