He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize