What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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