I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
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