and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
