Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize