Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
