yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
