a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
