You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
