She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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