sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
