After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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