Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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