OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
