super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
