You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize