Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
soo... how was my night?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
