As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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