So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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