i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Boobs speak an international language.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
