Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
