And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
