My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
