I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
