The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
