What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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