I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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