No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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