do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
