Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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