This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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