I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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