nut hugger
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
