Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Two words: blizzard sex
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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