Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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