Already got asked if we're dating
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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