I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
it was like eating out sand paper
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize