I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
