So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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