You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
