I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
