i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
