that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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