my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
