I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
