Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
