Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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