either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
