Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Me too!
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize