You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
