bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
