An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
