if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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