I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I want to fling myself into the sun
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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