so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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