I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
