How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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