I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
