i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
