Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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