Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
