i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
