She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
