I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
