Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Everything about him screamed your future.
two words: eviction party
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
