Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
