i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
ttyl tear gas
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize