you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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