I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
