I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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