You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
