My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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