she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize