my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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