Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize