you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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