Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
