You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
