he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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