he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
