I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
