Already got asked if we're dating
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize