Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
