You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
