fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize