Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm getting married
To pizza
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
